The Temperamental Author

Tomorrow is Pizza Festa’s first actual, paying event here in Nashville. We’re doing a wedding. It’s not that big of a wedding, apparently, which is unusual for the type of events we normally do. But… yea. Everyone’s excited.

I was.

Not so much anymore. I mean, I sometimes enjoyed working for/with Dad and getting to kind of meet new people through this. But It’s long, hot, sweaty hours, working with food. I’m the type of person who loves food, I just don’t want to have to deal with it constantly. So, that’s probably why I haven’t had many jobs yet… because I refuse to work at a fast food place or be a waitress. Well, and being a waitress, it’s also partially because of how clumsy I am. I just wouldn’t be able to do it without spilling things all over the place!

But, yea. It’s just… I don’t really want to go tomorrow. But I can’t duck out on my parents now. They barely have enough other people coming along to help as it is.

I know. I sound super selfish and lazy. Well, I guess I am. But I have also really been trying to figure out my next step on the road to being independent/having an actual career. You know, I was thinking about that film crew program. Well… yea. It sounds awesome and all. I just don’t know if it’s really what I want to do with my life.

You know, I really hate myself. I find all these great things, get so excited by them, and then, when they go wrong, or I realize it’s not the right thing, I move on to the next thing. I mean, I guess it didn’t matter, with Belmont and MTSU because they dumped me first. (ha.) But this place I’m pretty positive is going to accept me. I got an email from the guy in charge, and he was all, “Welcome to The Crew!” and I was so excited, even though I knew I still needed the actual acceptance letter from the school. And now I’m wanting to drop it? Gah!

Anyways, I did some extensive thinking on what I really want to do. And it came to me - I really want to work with music, but the technical side. Like, recording, working sound boards, etc… So, I found a school in Nashville right there on Music Row called SAE Institute. Looks awesome. They have an Audio Technology program that looks like exactly what I want. And, it’s more like a certificate, because there’s no generals, whatever… but you get a diploma. :)

I’m going to keep looking into it - it’s pretty expensive, but it does take Federal Aid - and I’ll still keep the film crew thing in mind.

It kind of frustrated me today, talking to my parents about this. Mom wasn’t supportive of what I wanted to do. And then, Dad was all, “I can’t talk about this until after tomorrow, but you know that we’ll both support you in whatever you want to do, right?” Yea, maybe you will, Dad, but you didn’t hear Mom earlier…

My mom seems to think I can become my sister. She seems to think I’d be better off with the “democratic” or “free-thinking” approach to education. Yea, it’s cool and all. And cheaper, for the most part. Sometimes. Not always. But, anyways, she seems to think I should be taking classes in small doses and working some job whenever not in class/sleeping. Yes, I need a job. No, I don’t think it needs to be that often. I’m not my sister - not at all. We’re not built the same way at all. My sister and I are just two completely different people, in all ways of life, except for our family. And Marissa’s basically estranged herself. So… yea. I can’t do what Marissa’s done, Mom.

Sorry. I’ve been ranting. I needed that, though… :P Immediate end to rant - now.